Grandpa

My maternal grandfather was reportedly elated the day I was born. This stemmed from the fact that I was his first grandson. Grandpa & Grandma were blessed with four children including my mother, her two older sisters & her little brother. Mom's oldest sister, Mary, & her husband Dan had two daughters before my parents were married. The middle sister, Jeanette, & her husband Arthur also had two daughters before I was born. Four granddaughters & he loved each of them, but no grandson.

Grandpa was a great man who loved children & always had. He was also fond of fishing & was probably looking for a fishing buddy. When he was a young man during the Depression, he was lucky to land a rare job working for the company that would eventually become the Hostess Bakery. He kept that job throughout the Depression & in the years that followed. He kept that same job as his children grew & married & had kids of their own.

It was later said by his daughters (my aunts & my mom) that my Grandpa always made you feel as if you were his favorite. For however many minutes you got to spend with him that day, you were the most special thing in his eyes. We would spend many hours together fishing at the lake near my house - sometimes just him & I, sometimes the two of us & my little brother.

The day I was born, my grandfather retired.

Busch Stadium: The Final Season

I don't want to be a 'traitor' to my city and I don't want to upset any of my friends, family and/or coworkers who are baseball fans. But I am personally a little sick of hearing about Busch Stadium - ..end of an era.., ...years of memories... & ...piece of history... - and all of that. It is a baseball stadium people, get over it! I mean, I like baseball and I do watch the game infrequently. I guess I shouldn't really be called a fan though. And especially now that I post publically that I don't want to hear any more about the former stadium, perhaps that proves it.

I have gone to quite a few games at Busch. I went to perhaps half-a-dozen in my childhood, with either my Grandpa, my father or both. I loved them, but mostly for the comraderie, the taste of fresh peanuts (roasted and salted) and the little sips of beer that would get snuck my way. As I got older, I went less frequently. Occasionally I'd go when there was an oppurtunity, like the time I won two tickets while working at Office Depot for selling a massive amount of Nextel phones. I felt kinda weird about it, as the reason that we outsold any other store in the district during the contest had to do with the great hail storm of 2001 here in Florissant, and the flood of contractors coming in to replace roofs. Those contractors apparently needed a lot of phones and the store where I worked was one of only a few places that had them.

That will have to be a different blog post. It's not like I didn't take the tickets and go to the game and stay for most of it and enjoy the game while there. It's just that there were others at the store who probably would have liked it more.

I appreciate the game, but am not a big fan. Call me "un-american," call me a "communist" but I honestly can't get that excited about our American pastime of baseball. My Grandpa loved it, I think, but my parents were only ho-hum about it. Yawn.

I guess I will only miss it a bit because of those memories with Grandpa. But I miss my Grandfather more than I will ever miss the stupid building.

For more information, visit the official site of the Saint Louis Cadinals or one of the links below.

My Life: Part 4

I'd completely forgotten that I have already introduced my Grandpa on this blog, way back in the first few posts. The important note was how much he loved children. His love of children formed my mom's love of children and by that extension shaped my personality. He also loved fishing and took us all many times. He loved his many grandchildren; my brother and I, my cousins Lisa and Laura, and my cousins Chris and Kathy. Most of all, I know that he loved my Grandma very much --which was no easy task as her mental health deteriorated over the years.

Shortly after I wrote that original post back in 2003, I hand-wrote (with pen) a long journal entry about Grandma, with the intent of posting it here. I believe that I even shared a bit of what I was working on with my mom at the time. I got some encouragement, but also got a healthy dose of warning that I perhaps shouldn't share something quite so private in such a public way. I think I listened to her words and wavered for a long while, not sure whether to type it out and share or not. In the meantime, I think my blog and life story took a back seat to other things that are certainly more important. When I did blog again, it was about more current events rather than my life history. Perhaps now it's time for a revisit.

I'm holding the pages of that sappy entry about Grandpa and Grandma in my hands and I certainly know I can't share it word-for-word. But perhaps I'll summarize it in a way that will give the gist without offending anyone or violating privacies.

My Life: Part 5

I'm envisioning that the next couple of entries will be difficult because they will deal more specifically with aspects of my life which are less chronological events or themes but more constants, meaning that they have always been true from early on until now. It's time now for Part 5 --Or...

On the Importance of Star Wars

So, the film saga known as Star Wars is pretty important to me. This should be obvious to anyone who knows me. These films have collectively been my favorite with no equal nor greater for as long as I can remember. I can't stop talking about them if someone even hints of bending an interested ear. I can't even stop writing about Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars and more Star Wars! I'm looking for the right word here and what's coming to mind is 'obsession', but perhaps that does not cover it completely.

I'm writing about Star Wars right now because it's possible that quite a lot of what will come later will relate back to the moment I first saw that movie in some way. And I don't even recall that specific first viewing. The film now known as Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope was released to the unsuspecting world in May of 1977. I was but one lonely citizen of that world, but I certainly didn't see the film in theaters. I was born a little over one year earlier, if you recall. Back then, they didn't cycle movies out of the cineplex as fast as they do today, but even with numerous reissues I probably wasn't taken to the film at the theater as a child. My parents saw it while I was being watched at Grandpa and Grandma's house. My mom probably enjoyed it well enough from what she has said, but I think my dad really liked it --especially for what it did in the fields of cinematography and special effects.

Inevitably, he bought a copy of the movie, probably on Betamax. And I watched it, likely until it fell apart or the machine did. Later, when it was on broadcast or cable television, he recorded a copy to VHS and I watched that until it fell apart. We had other movies, of course, stuff that had again been recorded from TV; Dark Crystal, Charlie Brown specials, The Wizard of Oz, The Black Stallion, E.T., Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Chariots of Fire, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Superman and (later) also Ghostbusters and Back to the Future. You may notice a certain trend towards "guy" movies with action and/or special effects. You may also notice a complete lack of anything Disney and almost nothing with a musical or theatrical bent. Also missing are a bunch of older movies that I'm surprised my mother or someone didn't introduce me to until later. Notable movies that people (e.g. my wife) are surprised I didn't see until later include Casablanca (which I still haven't seen), Fiddler on the Roof, The King and I, King Kong, The Sound of Music, Lawrence of Arabia (another I have missed), Mary Poppins, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (hm, not sure), The Princess Bride, To Kill a Mockingbird, anything Shakespearean or even remotely Disney-related.

I know that was a long list, but I wanted to give you the backdrop that is most of the movies of my early life. The main point you should grasp is that Star Wars was always the ultimate measuring stick against which all other films were judged. I certainly enjoyed other movies, especially Indiana Jones and Back to the Future. But if there can be only one... then it's Star Wars.

I had all the toys too. I hear a lot of people say that nowadays, but I seriously had all of them. When people say that, I start asking "did you have...?" and invariably I reach one that they didn't even know existed. I had about 72-77 of the 79 action figures ever released in the United States and several duplicates. I had almost every play set and vehicle. My basement was pretty dang crowded. I'd take them a few handfuls at a time and bring them into the TV room. I'd set them up to watch the movies, to either just sit there with me or to enact the scenes as best I could as it went along. And the hours I spent in my room or back down in the basement making up new adventures and mixing the Star Wars toys with other toys and action figures and Legos and model trains.

I'm partly bragging and partly lamenting. I mean seriously, what sort of dork was I?! As the years went by, Star Wars fell out of favor with the mainstream and most of my friends stopped playing with them. I never wanted to, but I admit that as with all childish things, I eventually put them away.

In the end I can brag. I still have every single one of those toys stored up. They've had wear and tear obviously, but none are completely wrecked. Perhaps someday I'll sell them, but I can't foresee much reason to -- beyond my kid's college education or something like that. As you'll come to learn, I've never let go.

Surprise, It Still Hurts

Working on the computer tonight, just doin' my usual, when my daughter, Olivia --who should be asleep-- comes to the side of my chair and tugs gently on my arm. It is not uncommon that this will happen. Though my oldest is sleeping comfortably in her room, Olivia still sleeps in the living room most nights. It's a work in progress.

But tonight, instead of her usual "I'm not tired," or "I'm thirsty," she said something that she hasn't said in a while, perhaps a few months, and it took me a bit by surprise.

"I miss Poppo."

I didn't know what to say at first, so I scooped her up and sat in the recliner and talked to her about it. Basically, it's hard to help a four-year-old understand death. She had a lot of questions about why. We talked about heaven, and Jesus and how long people live. She asked about a few people one at a time; me, mommy, Meema, Bubbi, Poppi, Grandma and Grandpa; and asked if we were going to die. I assured her that most people live a long time. I used my Aunt Ruby as an example, who is nearing or around 90. I also reassured her that death is only a sad thing for those left here on earth. Poppo is in heaven with Jesus (who she thinks is a baby?) and he is no longer in pain. He is happy. Best of all, she can still talk to him or Jesus any time she likes just by closing her eyes and praying. Poppo is right there, in your heart.

Most likely, this was just playing right along with what she wanted, which was just simply a few minutes more of my attention even though she should have been asleep. Four-year-olds can be manipulative, just because they don't know any better. Sometimes as a parent, even though you know your heart strings are being pulled for this reason, you play along just because it helps you too.

I miss ya, Frank. I thought I had more time to spend with you. But I guess everyone's time is limited. I pray to see you again some day. Good night.

Where have I been all this time? Well, I got promoted (twice), got my marriage vows renewed in a marriage ceremony and I bought a house!

Whoa, am I tired.

I wish I had some pictures of any of these events to show but I just got the computer set up properly in my new house and haven't found the card reader for the digital camera. I also can't find the cable for the scanner (or printer). Hey, wait, here's one:

~Lisa & I at the rehearsal~

Oh, hey and do you like my Castle?

~Home Sweet Home~

The wedding was great - January 2004. The house is great too - May 2004.

The job is going well, I got promoted to a team leader position and trained about a half-dozen new techs. Then I got promoted laterally to a consultation position.

I have so much more I could talk about, but... that is enough for now. I want to go back farther to my grandpa, my heritage and bring it up to speed. Life is progressing faster than I can type and will continue on ever on.

Now, est finitium.